


Hope Is The Wind

by misslantsov



Category: The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: F/M, nikolai is ravka's most bangable king, there is smut, zoya is the most beautiful woman to grace this universe ever
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:00:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23517316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misslantsov/pseuds/misslantsov
Summary: Zoyalai one-shots collected in a single multi-chapter.
Relationships: Nikolai Lantsov/Zoya Nazyalensky
Kudos: 18





	1. In the Arms of the King

Zoya opened her eyes, groaning at the bright light that was streaming in through Nikolai’s window. She snuggled deeper into his warm embrace, her head still resting on his bare chest. She smiled lightly and pressed a kiss right above his heart.   
“Good morning, my king,” she whispered, looking up into his eyes, noticing that they were open at that they were on her. She shivered, despite her temperature beginning to climb.   
Nikolai’s hand travelled up and down Zoya’s back, holding her body close to his. He was going to cherish this for as long as he could, only hoping that Zoya wouldn’t slip from his embrace like she was wont to do most mornings. “Good morning, my beautiful Zoya,” he replied, pulling her up to his lips.   
Zoya yielded to his kiss, her hands going to his shoulders as she climbed on top of him.   
Nikolai gasped softly as she settled onto his groin, bringing him from semi-hard to fully erect before taking him inside her. He broke the kiss and put his hands on her face. “That was certainly a sweet kiss, my Zoya. I was under the impression that you did nothing sweetly,” he whispered, pulling her back down into his embrace.   
Zoya pulled away and rolled onto her side, facing away from Nikolai. He turned onto his side, holding her with his hands on her lower abdomen as he moved closer to her, pressing himself against her back.   
Zoya moaned softly when she felt his erection against her rear. She couldn’t really help it, if she was being honest. She had climbed on top of him and had him inside her, and she knew he liked that. After all, Nikolai was merely a man, and being her husband didn’t make him immune to her charms.   
She wanted to tell him how desperately she wanted him in her again, though she tried her very best to not feed her husband’s massive ego more than she already did. She just had to refrain from telling him every time she wanted him.   
“My darling Zoya, is something wrong?” he asked, his hand finding its way between her legs, his fingers touching her lazily.   
Zoya shook her head, biting her lip before finding enough voice to respond. “Not at all, my wonderful king,” she replied, turning her head slightly to see his gorgeous face.   
Nikolai took this opportunity to press a kiss to her cheek before her used his occupied hand to gently part her legs. They had nothing to do that morning, so why not engage in some activities that would make both their days better?  
After all, a King and his Queen having nothing to attend to for a singular morning was a rare occurrence. Besides, it wasn’t top priority, but they had one thing they could try and do, since Ravka was still without an heir.   
Zoya’s legs fell open and Nikolai gently thrust into her, relishing in her soft moans. His hand found its way to her clit and he rubbed her gently, matching the motions of his fingers to his thrusts.   
This was nothing like the fast, passionate love making that they usually did. This was slow and much more luxurious, something they’d not had much time for since their honeymoon. Not that either of them had any problem with fast, occasionally rough, sex, but this felt so much better. Nikolai was particularly a fan because it allowed him to worship every inch of his wife.   
The two of them let soft sighs and moans fall from their lips as they moved in tandem with one another, occasionally shifting so Nikolai could press a kiss to his wife’s luscious lips.   
Nikolai pressed his body closer to hers, peppering kisses to her neck as he breathed in her scent, his unoccupied hand moving to fondle her breast.   
Zoya whimpered as he toyed with her nipple, pinching it every now and then as he rolled it between his thumb and forefinger. “My dearest Queen, I’m getting close, I do hope you’ll join me,” he whispered, his voice hoarse.   
Zoya nodded. “Of course, my darling King. I love you,” she replied, turning her head.   
Nikolai smiled and pressed his lips to hers, unable to hold back the passion as he pulled her as close as possible. He never wanted to let her go, he knew that much and little else. He prayed every day to the Saints that they would never take her from him, and every night, he prayed at a different altar. His tongue ran over her bottom lip, and she sighed softly, parting her lips as she pressed back against him.   
Nikolai continued rolling his hips against hers, holding her body to his before he stilled, coming to his climax. He moaned against Zoya’s mouth, displeased with himself that he had not yet brought her to her own glorious climax. He pulled himself away from her, noting that her beautiful head turned and she shot him a look that said ‘we’re not finished here yet, Sobachka.’ Nikolai nodded and danced his fingers over her before kissing his way down her body and underneath the covers.   
He turned her onto her back as he moved down her body, his mouth never leaving her skin.   
Zoya’s hand fell to his hair when his mouth found its destination. She had, in part, assumed that this would be how he would undo her, but despite all the times that he had serviced her in this way, she still found it hard to believe that a king would ever do this for anyone. Even his queen. She knew, that to him, she was not merely ‘anyone’, and the knowledge that she was the most important being in his life warmed the heart that she had despised for so very long.   
Nikolai moved his tongue expertly against her, beckoning her closer with each lazy movement. He made it look so effortless, but he would be the first to talk about the technique one needed in order to love a woman in such a way.   
Zoya had been with other lovers who had done these things, or at least attempted them, but never had any of them had the effect on her that Nikolai did. They weren’t even half as good as he was with his mouth. At least it had some uses, she had been pleased to discover the first time he had deigned to taste her.   
Her handsome king, looking so boyish as he glanced up at her while his tongue worked miracles against her clit. He winked and Zoya shuddered, her eyes moving to the ceiling so she couldn’t see the brilliant hazel eyes as his mouth did such forbidden things to her. She shivered softly and gripped his thick blond hair tighter as she reached her climax, putting down on her lip to stifle her scream.   
Nikolai’s touch became gentler, his tongue slowing and his cheek rubbing against her thigh, as he brought her back down. When he pulled away and moved back up her body, he kissed the path from her centre to her mouth, threatening to ignite her body once more. Once his lips found hers, she moaned at the taste of her on his tongue.   
“So, how was that, my Queen?” he asked, hovering above her.   
“Quite satisfactory,” she replied, pecking his lips gently before pushing him off her. “Now, snuggle me, my king.”  
“As you wish, my darling, dearest love,” he replied, allowing her to turn onto her side as he wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her close to him.   
Zoya’s eyes shut, a small smile on her face, and she was about to doze off when a knock came to the door. She groaned as Nikolai called out for the person to enter. It could only be one of four people, all of whom they trusted.  
Genya poked her head in, her eye shut. “Do either of you want breakfast? I’m sure with your morning off, you’ve worked up a bit of an appetite,” she said, Zoya knowing that her friend was grinning.   
Zoya groaned again, knowing that her husband was grinning too. “I do believe the Queen and I would like a meal. Thank you, Genya.”  
“What I’m here for. I’ll be back in 20 minutes,” she said, shutting the door.   
“So, with the 20 minutes we have left before breakfast…” Nikolai trailed off.   
“Oh, let’s. Please, hurry,” Zoya said as Nikolai climbed on top of her once again.


	2. The King's Sails

Nikolai sat in his bed chamber, his head in his hands. Today was not his day, not in the slightest. After that mishap at breakfast, everything had just gone downhill for him, and there was no stopping it. He couldn’t believe that after everything he had been through, all it took was a day to knock him off his feet again.   
Yet, there was nothing he could do except to get back on his feet and keep going. Exactly what was expected of him. After all, he was the king.   
He took a deep breath and pushed himself up, instantly deflating again. Zoya wasn’t there- and that was part of the issue. He missed her. Things got to him more when she wasn’t around. She should be back soon, but there was nothing to be done about her absence. Sometimes they had to be apart. He understood that.   
He looked at the mirror and tried to put on a smile, barely convincing himself. He could work on it on his way to the meeting, but everyone in the room would know that he was faking it. He cursed himself and his friends for it all. He could convince a crowd of commoners that he was okay, but not four people in a council room.   
He sighed lightly and straightened his clothes, running his fingers through his hair before grabbing the stack of paperwork that had been plaguing him and leaving the room to go to the council chamber.   
He entered and bid everyone a good afternoon as he took his seat.   
“Rough day, Your Highness?” Genya asked, tilting her head.   
Nikolai shrugged. “Genya, you know you don’t have to call me that in this room,” he said. They’d dropped those formalities ages ago.   
“Doesn’t answer my question, Nikolai,” she pressed.   
Nikolai sighed and looked down at the paperwork. Genya was sweet, and a very good friend, despite her prying. He knew that she only wanted to help him, and he was grateful for it, but maybe not right now. He couldn’t tell her what was going on in his mind.   
He knew, better than most, that she would chalk it up to the feelings that Genya insisted he and Zoya had for each other. And that was purely ridiculous. Zoya was just his friend, his best friend, his general, and- the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen in his life. It didn’t matter how he felt about her, because she would never feel the same way.   
Genya tutted lightly. “I’m taking that as a yes. Besides, we know what’s wrong,” she said, offering Nikolai a smile that he only saw after lifting his head.   
He gave Genya the truest smile that he could and took a deep breath. “Thanks. I, uh, let’s get to work,” he said, shuffling the papers in front of him as the door opened, instantly gaining his attention.   
Zoya.   
Zoya was back.   
Nikolai stood up and moved to her, a bright smile on his face.   
“My King,” she said, smiling at him.   
Nikolai wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. “I didn’t realize that you would be back so soon,” he said, his smile unwavering as Zoya wrapped her arms around him, patting him on the back gently.   
“We travelled further yesterday, mostly because I didn’t want to be away for longer than I had to. I wasn’t supposed to be back until tomorrow,” she replied.   
Nikolai nodded and released her. “Well, we’re glad to have you back, and we’re glad that you came to the meeting. Come on, sit down,” he said, guiding her to her seat with his hand on her lower back.   
“Well that filled up his sails,” Genya said, having noticed the change in Nikolai’s mood the moment the door opened to reveal Zoya.   
Nikolai’s brow furrowed. “Sorry?”  
“Your sails were empty a moment ago and now they’re full again. It’s a sailing metaphor,” she said, tilting her head.   
“My sails were not empty,” he replied.   
David shook his head. “Genya’s metaphor was accurate. Before Zoya arrived, you looked positively gloomy, Nikolai,” he said, his head still in his notebook. “Akin to a sailboat not getting anywhere due to a lack of wind. I think it’s a funny joke, given that Zoya is a squalor.”  
Zoya shook her head and moved her chair into the table, grabbing one of the files. “Very funny, Genya. Playing with the king’s love of sailing and my abilities. So original.”  
Genya smiled. “I thought so. Besides, it’s obvious that the two of you are like wind and sails. Always together, getting each other through hard days, lost without each other.”  
“Thank you Genya,” Nikolai said. “I need to speak with the General alone for a moment.”  
Tolya, Tamar, and Genya all stood. Genya put her hand on David’s notebook, forcing him to look up at her and eventually follow her out, still writing something.   
“Is something wrong, my King?” Zoya asked.   
“There’s no way that they know. They can’t know. We’re so careful, and we’ve never even acted on it,” he said, looking at her with pain in his eyes.   
“Are you talking about the feelings you have for me?” she asked. The feelings I have for you.  
Nikolai nodded. “I didn’t tell them. I would never want to hurt you like that.”  
Zoya shrugged. “It’s fine. Genya teases. She doesn’t know anything, I promise.”  
Nikolai nodded. “I do agree though.”  
“About what?”  
“That you are the wind in my sails.”  
Zoya smiled lightly and shook her head. “An honour I’ll always carry, my king.”


	3. Pour Me Another

Zoya sighed as her king shifted to put his head into her lap. “Zoya, why you so pretty?” he asked, his glassy hazel eyes staring up at her as if he was stargazing.   
“I’m just pretty, I don’t think there’s a reason for it,” she replied, not looking down at him, but running her fingers through his thick blond hair nonetheless.   
“I should make it a law that no one is allowed to be prettier than you. I think your pretty might already be illegal,” he mumbled, reaching up to play with a strand of her hair that had fallen from her updo.   
Zoya shook her head. “You’re really drunk, eh? I thought sailors could hold their liquor.”  
Nikolai shook his head. “Not this much. How do you?”  
“Maybe it’s Juris’ influence, or something to do with my power. I don’t know. I don’t tend to get drunk,” she said with a shrug.   
“I wanna cuddle, Zoya,” he said, as if he hadn’t heard the last part of what she said.   
Zoya sighed. “Nikolai, come on, you know Genya won’t like if we leave the party this early. Besides, if she finds out we left together, or if anyone does, that doesn’t help our claim that we’re not having an affair.”  
Nikolai pouted and lifted his head up. “I wanna have a marriage with you. I always want you by my side, and I don’t want anyone else.”  
Zoya felt heat rising in her cheeks. “Nikolai, my King, you’re not thinking straight. You need a wife who is good for Ravka. Someone who can rule with you and give this country everything.”  
“You already do that. And you’re royalty in my eyes. You’re good for Ravka, you’d sacrifice everything for our country. I know you would,” he said. “And if you were my Queen, I could kiss you.”  
Zoya rolled her eyes. “Nikolai, please. We can’t. we know this. You know this. You’re the king, you have to have a political marriage. People like us don’t get to chase what our hearts want.”  
Nikolai pouted again, moving closer to her. “I want another drink and then I wanna take you to bed.”  
Zoya felt her heart break. She wanted nothing more than to be with her king. She hurt every time she had to turn him down.   
He looked so innocent and sweet with his hair threatening to fall in front of his wide hazel eyes that were looking at her so lovingly.   
“Sobachka, we’ll get you another drink and then I’ll tuck you into bed, like I used to do,” she said, helping him stand up and letting him lean on her as she guided him back into the ballroom.   
Some tried to approach them, but she managed to send them away, claiming the king had a headache and needed rest. She could apologize to Genya in the morning, but right now, her king needed her. She charmed the young servant at the bar into giving her a bottle of kvas before she helped Nikolai up to his room, trying to avert her eyes as she did her best to help him get out of his clothes and into his pajama pants.   
She failed at not staring at his toned stomach and chiseled abs, though. She did want him, no matter how selfish it was. No matter her reputation for not desiring, only being desired. She couldn’t have the king while he was in this state, though.   
Nikolai pulled a bottle of whisky from his cabinet and brought it over to the bed. “Let’s have drinks, Zoya,” he said, opening up the whisky and taking a swig before passing it to her.   
Zoya shook her head, despite taking the bottle and having a long drink from it. “Nikolai, please. You should probably get some sleep. You have a lot to do tomorrow. We’ll have the kvas, and then you can sleep. I don’t want to keep you up,” she whispered, taking the stopper from his hand and putting it back into the whisky. If he needed to get drunk to even think about being with her, she couldn’t do it. That wasn’t true, and she knew it. He wanted her all the time, but it was mostly verbalized after he’d had too much to drink.  
Nikolai moved closer to her and gently leaned her back on his bed. “I want you to keep me up, Zoya. I want to hold you in my arms, kiss you, love you, show you what you mean to me,” he said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as he gazed into her eyes. “You’re so wonderful.”  
Zoya looked up into his eyes, unable to stop her hand from finding its way into his hair. “Kiss me, my King. Kiss me tonight, don’t hold back,” she whispered, hoping that he wouldn’t remember it tomorrow. She knew that if he did, it wouldn’t end well for their homeland.   
She’d spent so much time devoted to Ravka, keeping Ravka safe and secure, and fighting for Ravka, was it so selfish that she wanted to have a night that was about her? A night where she felt special? Loved? As if she was something more than just the General of the Second Army?   
Nikolai smiled softly at her words, stroking her cheekbone and looking at her as if she were the stars in the sky before he leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers.   
Zoya could not believe it. Despite the intoxication on both sides, this kiss felt perfect. Everything she’d ever wanted in her life. She didn’t desire, she was desired, and that was about actively despising her heart and not feeling what others felt. She didn’t have that luxury.   
This kiss was everything that she’d ever been missing in her life.   
Nikolai wasn’t sure if his mouth was on her for seconds, minutes, hours, days. Time didn’t matter anymore. He was kissing Zoya, she had asked him to kiss her. He only prayed that this wasn’t yet another dream where she was with him. He’d had his heart broken too many times by them. They were so perfect while he was dreaming them, everything he’d ever wanted. And then, he would wake up, and Zoya wouldn’t even notice him as anything more than her king.   
He pulled back slightly, the two of them trying to catch their breath as they looked into each other’s eyes. Neither of them spoke, completely speechless, but words were unnecessary. They could tell.   
Nikolai helped her sit up, his eyes staying on hers as he pulled the straps of her gown down her arms, baring her chest to him. Zoya’s hands found their way down between them to get his pants off. She needed to feel him, and she was certain that he needed to feel her too.   
Blindly, they managed to undress one another, and Nikolai’s lips found hers again, pressing her back into the mattress as he found his way between her toned legs. “Zoya, can I touch you?” he asked, speaking for the first time in a while, his voice hoarse.   
Zoya nodded. “Show me what you want, my king,” she whispered, her hands on his shoulders.   
“Anything for you, my beautiful queen,” he replied, entering her with a gentle roll of his hips, transfixed on the sight of his Zoya with her head thrown back, the sound of a soft moan escaping her beautiful luscious lips that had beckoned him from the moment they met.   
He moved within her, pressing his body closer to hers to hold her as he flipped them, putting Zoya above him. She was the only one that he would ever want above him in any way. She was magnificent.   
Zoya smiled at him, her chest pressed against his as she rode him, all her expertise in the bedroom coming to help her please the one man who mattered more than any other.   
She had noticed him calling her his ‘beautiful queen’, and it made her heart speed up. They were so selfless when it came to their country, and if this was the only selfish act they could ever have, she wanted it to last forever.   
In this moment, Shu-Han and Fjerda could both march into the capital, into the king’s bedchamber, and her only care would be for the man between her legs who was giving her more pleasure than she’d ever felt in her life. Many thought of her as a selfish lover, but she could never be selfish when it came to her king’s pleasure. They were equals in every single way.   
Nikolai’s hands were holding her close, moving up and down from her hips to her ass and down to her thighs, producing the most incredible tingling sensation that was only adding to the mounting pleasure that she was experiencing. No man had ever shown himself to be this good, maybe it was because none of them really meant anything. But Nikolai, he meant everything.   
Her lips found her king’s and she slipped her tongue between his slightly parted lips. Nikolai moaned softly and gripped her tighter with one hand, the other snaking between their legs to rub that bundle of nerves that so many lovers had difficulty finding. Not Nikolai. He was an expert lover and found it just as easily as she did. He knew her body so very well, and he really did prove it.   
He may be drunk, and he may never have touched her before, but he knew exactly what she liked, proving it with his counterclockwise motions that would never fail to bring her to her climax.   
She pulled away from the kiss and looked into his desire filled eyes. “My king, I’m so close. Please, don’t stop. Let me bring you with me,” she begged, speeding up her movements, only causing more friction with his hand.   
“Ladies first, my queen. I’ll follow you, don’t worry. Come for me, my beautiful Zoya,” he whispered, thrusting up against her as she pulled back.   
Zoya’s head fell back and she let out a set of loud moans, not ceasing her movements above her king who, not a moment later, had his own head pressed into his pillow, his hands tight on her hips as he froze.   
Zoya half-collapsed on top of him, her head resting on his heart as she tried to catch her breath. “My king,” she whispered, unable to think of what to say.   
“That was incredible, Zoya,” he whispered, shifting to drop a kiss to her hair. “The best I’ve ever had.”  
Zoya felt her heart break. She returned that sentiment, but- and there was always a ‘but’ in Ravka- she had to go now. Pretend like her king hadn’t just been the best man to ever come for her. “I have to go, my king,” she said, unwilling to lift her head up, even as she said the words. She knew what had to happen.   
“Stay with me, just for tonight. So I can wake up, sober, and know that loving you wasn’t just a beautiful dream,” he whispered, tears forming in his eyes. He didn’t want her to leave, he didn’t want to lose this. He wanted it forever, and he knew that if he kept her until morning, letting go would be more than impossible.   
“People already think that we’re having an affair, it’s affecting your marriage prospects, you- we can’t be together. You have servants who will be coming through to light your fire, bring your tea, we can’t risk it. I won’t be the cause of your life being ruined, Nikolai. I can’t. I-“ she stopped herself from continuing. She couldn’t say it, because if she did, she wouldn’t be able to leave.  
Nikolai shifted her into his lap as he sat up. “Any servant that speaks about this, I’m sure you could find a way to deal with them, yeah? Zoya, please. I just want you. I don’t care about anything else.”  
“I won’t be your weakness. I’m a soldier. If something happened to me, and we were together, what would happen then? Would you do something stupid and reckless, risking your life that is worth so much, to save me?” she asked.   
Nikolai nodded. “Your life means so much to me, Zoya. Losing you isn’t something that I can do. And no, that doesn’t make you my weakness, it makes you my strength. You’re the reason why I keep on fighting to make sure Ravka wins. Because I can’t bear the thought of failing you,” he whispered.   
“You’re an idiot, Nikolai,” she said, shaking her head. “You’re an idiot.”  
“That’s fine. Just, give me a chance to be your idiot. In secret. No one has to know if we don’t want them to,” he said, burying his face into her thick hair and breathing in her scent- wildflowers.   
Zoya dropped her head. This was what she wanted. She had once told Alina to throw Nikolai over so that she could rescue him from his pain, so that she could be his. Alina had held up her part of the bargain that had never been agreed to, and well, to properly honour Sankta Alina, she should hold up her end as well. Zoya nodded softly.   
“Okay, Nikolai. I’ll stay tonight, and we’ll figure this out. But once you marry, I won’t be some piece on the side. You’re not that kind of king,” she said, leaning her head on his.   
“Never the side piece, always the entire piece, Zoya. You’re the only one I can see myself standing at the altar waiting for,” he whispered.   
Zoya shook her head. “We’ll figure it out. Now, time for you to get some sleep. I think all that exercise rendered the kvas useless, da, moi tsar?”  
Nikolai nodded, a bright smile coming to his face. “Let me hold you, my Zoya,” he said, pulling away and moving to lay down.   
Zoya climbed off his lap and settled into his embrace. “I love you,” she whispered, finally finishing what she hadn’t moments before.   
“I love you too,” he whispered, his lips pressing against her neck as she dozed off.


	4. Fabrikator King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If enough people want it, this will be the prologue of a Multi-Chapter fic.

David burst into the war room, looking up from his notebook for once. “We have to talk before Nikolai gets here,” he said, looking around the table at the rest of the Grisha seated there. 

“Is something wrong? Is Nikolai okay?” Zoya asked, fighting the urge to jump up and run from the room. She didn’t care that much, and wasn’t Nikolai always saying that he could rescue himself. She doubted it, but she knew he didn’t want to be seen as a damsel in distress. He was, but she liked rescuing him. 

“I think he’s fine, but Nadia and I saw something yesterday. Something that Nikolai did. In the lab. It was weird,” he said with a swallow, his fingers beginning to run along the edge of his notebook. 

Tamar frowned. “So that would explain my wife’s behaviour last night. Thank you. I asked her how her day at the lab was and she looked panicked.”

David nodded. “I still haven’t recovered.”

“What the hell happened. Spit it out, David,” Zoya said, glaring at the Fabrikator before her. 

David swallowed again. “W-well, he was doing things that he- uh- shouldn’t be able to do,” he said, looking down. 

“What kinds of things?” Genya cut in, hoping to get Zoya to not shout at him for not supplying information. 

“Grisha things. Fabrikator things. They weren’t perfect because he’s had no training, but he shouldn’t have been able to do them in the first place. Nikolai might be Grisha,” he said. 

Zoya shook her head. “No. That’s impossible. We would have found out before now. The people would have found out. Alina didn’t show up on the testing, but that’s one person-“

“The Royal family does not receive the test,” came a voice from the door. 

David swallowed and everyone turned to see Nikolai standing there. “You didn’t know that, did you?” Nikolai asked. “But it doesn’t matter. Zoya’s right. I’m not Grisha, I can’t be.”

Zoya gestured towards him. “See. He isn’t Grisha,” she said, folding her hands on the table, doing her best to not watch the king take his seat beside her. 

Nikolai smiled. “David, what you and Nadia saw yesterday, I’ve always been able to do that.”

David leaned on the table. “Your Majesty, I’m saying this as a friend- you are Grisha. If you let me help you, you’d be an incredible Fabrikator.”

Nikolai looked down. “If I am Grisha, we have to keep it from the people. If they find out, the people that hate Grisha, those that hate me, they’ll say that my attempt at marrying Alina was a ploy to help the Grisha take over Ravka. They’ll say that I’ve been lying to them. There are already things that they don’t trust about me, and this wouldn’t help,” he said. 

“So we go on pretending like you’re not one of us?” David asked, taking his seat next to Genya. 

Nikolai nodded. “I’m sorry. Unless we can find a way to keep it a secret and only known to those of us in this room, and our friends in the lab, of course.   
We saw what happened with the monster, the things that made people say about me,” he said quietly, his eyes finding Zoya’s briefly. 

The group nodded. “David barely talks to anyone anyway, and he really does want to help you, I can’t see him revealing this to anyone,” Genya said. 

Nikolai nodded. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

Zoya shrugged. “Well, this country likes to think that every time you don’t tell them something about yourself, it means you’re having an affair,” she said. 

Nikolai winked at her. “I offered, you said no.” 

Zoya didn’t look at him as she swatted him on the nose, like she had done all that time ago when the monster had taken over. “Just because they think you’re having one, doesn’t mean you have to.”

Genya couldn’t contain her smile. “Both of you are idiots.”

“Nikolai has the monopoly on stupid for the two of us,” Zoya said. 

Nikolai smiled and reached out to touch her hand. “I love you too, my ruthless general. Now, shall we properly begin the meeting, so that David and I can go to the labs. I ought to learn more about what I can do.”

David smiled and opened up his notebook, eagerly writing in it once again. 

Zoya smiled. If she had to deal with a Shu queen, at least her king would be Grisha. Even if no one else could ever know about it. She’d protected him from a literal monster, she could protect this secret too.


	5. Captain's Quarters

Zoya looked at her King, a small smile on her face. Their trip to Ketterdam had not been unsuccessful, and she was glad. So glad that she had agreed to spend time with him in his quarters on their ship back to Ravka. 

He didn’t quite look like Nikolai yet, but Genya had stopped tailoring him, and would restore him once they returned home. Though she despised it, there was part of her that missed her King’s gorgeous hazel eyes, thick wavy blond hair, and the nose that didn’t look unfixable. 

She sat on the bed, drinking the offered kvas, trying to not look at Nikolai as he stripped his shirt off, revealing the body that she had seen many times before. She enjoyed his chest, despite her lack of desire to admit any type of feeling for her king. She was just glad that Genya hadn’t needed to spend time staring at it, touching it, tailoring it. 

Nikolai sat down next to her, tapping his glass against hers. “Successful mission,” he said, flashing that award-winning smile. 

Zoya shrugged. “It could have gone better. I thought Nina was dead and that I’d never see her again… only to find out that she’s alive, and that she was involved with a Fjerdan? A Drüskelle no less. I- part of me feels as if I never really knew her,” she said. 

Nikolai nodded. “I understand. I don’t know how I would feel if I found out that someone close to me had done those things,” he said. 

Zoya shook her head. “We weren’t that close, Sobachka,” she whispered, turning her head to look at him. 

Nikolai shrugged. “Okay, alright. But you’re glad she’s alive.”

Zoya nodded. “I don’t think that I could ever be unhappy to find out that a Grisha that is believed dead is actually alive. I just wish that she had come home to us,” she said. 

Nikolai nodded. “Yeah, we need all the help we can get. But do you think that she’ll still be willing to fight against Fjerda, after falling in love with one of theirs?”

Zoya nodded. “Yeah. I think that the fact that she actually changed his heart- she should go to Fjerda, help rescue Grisha from the Drüskelle.”

Nikolai nodded again. “You’re the General.”

Zoya smiled and put her kvas on the small table, taking Nikolai’s and doing the same before fluffing her hair. “Take my mind off of all this?” she asked, batting her eyelashes. 

Nikolai nodded. “You don’t have to ask me twice, moya lyubov’,” he whispered, his hands going into her hair as he moved towards her, his lips finding hers easily. 

Zoya sighed softly, ignoring that Sturmhond’s nose felt very different to Nikolai’s. After all, it wasn’t the nose that mattered, but the lips, and the rest of him- the parts that she’d never let Genya near, especially not to tailor. 

Nikolai pressed himself to her, urging her to lay back on the small bed of his quarters. He smiled against her lips when she obliged him, holding her close to him with his hands on her waist. 

Zoya let out a soft moan against his lips as her hands dropped, trying to unlace his britches, to let her touch him. 

Nikolai pulled back from the kiss. “Slow down, you’re already overdressed,” he whispered, his hands getting to work on her kefta. 

Zoya nodded. “Well, that’s your fault. Undressing me is your job, moi tsar,” she whispered, her hips bucking up against him as his fingers slipped inside, brushing over her breast. 

“A job I take very seriously,” he replied, pulling her kefta from her shoulders, tossing it to the deck of the cabin as his lips returned to hers.   
It didn’t take long for the two of them to be undressed, Nikolai on top of her. “You look so beautiful,” he whispered, his lips going to her neck, sucking at the skin hard enough to leave marks.

“Look? Please. I am beautiful,” she replied, her hand going into his hair as she bit down on her lip. He was such a good tease. 

Nikolai gave her a smile as he popped his head up. “May I?” he asked. 

Zoya nodded, barely a second passing before he was inside her. She grabbed his hair and pulled his lips to hers, flipping the two of them with ease, putting her on top. 

“Don’t think this is permission to be lazy. You better put in the work too,” she said, Nikolai nodding in return as his fingers dug into her hips, guiding her, even though she certainly didn’t need it. He pulled one of his hands up to fondle her breast, knowing that helped her along her way, and he loved the way that her head fell back as he did it. 

“You’re so gorgeous, I love you,” he whispered. 

Zoya moaned softly and nodded. “Yeah, you’re great too,” she mumbled, looking down at him for a brief moment. 

Nikolai smiled and sped up his thrusting against her. He knew that she didn’t want it to last too long. she wanted it over and done with, in case someone came looking for them. That, and she was concerned that if they went slowly and were too gentle, it would be more than just a fuck. He knew that she wasn’t too thrilled with the idea of ‘making love’ since it was pointless and a waste of time. Besides, if they made love and someone found out, she might be forced to admit her feelings, rather than writing it off as them just blowing off steam with each other. 

At least she didn’t mind him talking about how much he loved her, and if he was honest, he was almost sure that it turned her on more. She had joked once that ‘all men were at least 30% attracted to her’ but he wasn’t sure about that. He was sure that all men were completely attracted to her. Whether she was around or not, men liked to talk about her and her beauty. He tried to not take offense, which only didn’t work when they suggested that she was the General of the Second Army because he’d been allowed between her gorgeous, toned legs. He had given her that position because she was the best Grisha soldier that he had ever seen. She led and took no one’s bullshit. His sexual relationship with her had nothing to do with it. 

Zoya sped up her movements, Nikolai knowing that she was well on her way to her orgasm. He was getting fairly close as well, and he slipped his hand between them, his fingers rubbing at her where she wanted him. He wanted her to come first, he would only ever follow her. 

He helped Zoya through her climax, following her soon after. 

He knew how it would go. He had finished, and Zoya would get up, get dressed, swallow down the last of her kvas, and leave him. He let out a soft sigh. All he wanted was to hold her close, but he doubted that it would ever happen to him. 

Zoya smiled down at him, climbing off him and the bed, tossing him his undergarment and grabbing the shirt that he had discarded earlier. She pulled her own undergarments on and pulled his shirt over her body, so big on her that it was almost to her knees. “Move over, don’t hog all the space,” she said, climbing back onto the bed, taking his arms and wrapping them around her. 

“Genya will keep me up all night with gossip or something,” she mumbled. “Don’t get used to this.”

“You’re staying tonight.”

“Don’t get used to it.”

“I won’t,” he replied. 

It was a lie. 

Zoya knew it was a lie. 

He was already used to it. 

Making him let go would be the hard part.


	6. First Time For Everything

Zoya sat with Nikolai in the silence of his bedchamber. They had finished their paperwork for the evening and were now seated in front of the roaring fire, drinking a bottle of kvas that Nikolai had kept in his room for a ‘special occasion’. 

Zoya supposed that he was right. Finishing all their paperwork at a decent hour could be considered a special occasion. After all, this was Ravka, and things were never easy on those in charge. 

“We did a great job today, my General,” Nikolai said, presenting his glass to her. 

Zoya gave him a rare smile and tapped her glass to his. “I can’t believe we’re caught up on paperwork. For one night at least,” she said. 

“Never fear, my dear, there’ll be another towering stack tomorrow. This is Ravka, after all. A place where we shall never get any rest,” he said, moving closer to her. “But for tonight, we can relax and then go to bed, and maybe get some decent sleep.”

Zoya nodded. “I do enjoy spending time with you, you know that, right?” she asked. 

Nikolai nodded. “Of course, how could I not know that? I am charming, handsome, a great fighter, an excellent sailor, an incredible king, the people love me, and I care about my country.”

Zoya shook her head. “I like spending time with you when you’re not like that,” she amended. 

Nikolai laughed. “I know. I’m just pulling your leg. I enjoy spending time with you as well. Working or not, I consider you a close friend,” he said.

Zoya smiled lightly. “You’re a good friend too. I haven’t had many of those, goodness knows. People tend to not like me because of my icy exterior,” she said. 

Nikolai feigned shock, bringing his hand to his chest. “No. People think you have an icy exterior?”

Zoya grabbed one of the throw pillows that they were relaxing on and smacked him with it. 

“Treason! You hit your king,” he said, his tone playful. He looked at Zoya, properly, wondering if she did see any of the wonderful qualities that he did have. On a level deeper then their political relationship, deeper than their friendship. 

“Next time I’ll hit you harder,” she whispered, a bright smile on her face. 

Nikolai swallowed. “Go on, I dare you,” he said, his eyes fixed on hers.

Zoya moved closer to him, her tongue dragging over her bottom lip. “I could mess up that handsome face of yours.”

“Please don’t, there’s a gorgeous girl that I’m trying to charm, and if I don’t have my good looks, she’ll never look my way,” he said. 

Zoya laughed lightly, making Nikolai’s heart beat faster. “Tell me, is this fair maiden better looking than you?”

Nikolai nodded, biting his bottom lip. “She is incredibly beautiful, strong, smart. I think of her all the time,” he said. 

“Would I know her? Perhaps I should warn her to steer clear of you.”

“Please don’t stay away,” he whispered, his eyes searching hers. He loved her, and he didn’t want her to just leave because he was in love with her. He couldn’t help falling in love with someone like her. He had never wanted to fall for someone better looking than him, but it had happened, and he found that he didn’t really care. Zoya was exquisite.

“I didn’t say that I’d stay away, just that I’d warn this pretty, common, young girl to stay away from the king. The last thing he needs right now is distraction from the cause of fixing Ravka,” she said, leaning forward. 

“You haven’t distracted me yet, Zoya. If anything, I work harder because of you,” he said. 

Zoya rolled her eyes. “We’re not talking about me, Nikolai. We’re talking about this girl that you like,” she said. 

Silence hung between them for a moment before she finally realized what was going on. It was her. She was the one that Nikolai wanted to stay pretty for. She was, admittedly, used to men falling for her, mostly for her looks or because fear was a powerful aphrodisiac. But for Nikolai, her closest friend, the one person that shouldn’t actually be scared of her, the King of Ravka, to be interested in her. She could barely believe it. 

“Oh,” she said, tilting her head slightly. 

Nikolai nodded. “Yeah. It’s you. It’s always been you,” he replied. 

Zoya let out a small laugh. “You never told me until now.”

Nikolai shrugged. “I was waiting for the right time,” he replied.

Zoya smiled and shifted closer. “Well, now that I know, how would you like to proceed?” she asked. 

Nikolai placed his glass on the table, putting hers beside it. “Like this,” he whispered, his hand moving to touch her cheek as he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. 

Zoya smiled against his mouth. This was their first kiss together, and it was perfect. She wished that she’d never let those other men near her like this, saving herself for her Nikolai, but she knew that he didn’t care about all of them. So long as he came out on top. 

When he pulled away, they stared into each other’s eyes. He bit his lip, gazing at her, still holding onto her, as if scared that letting go would make her lost to him. “Stay with me tonight?” he asked. 

Zoya nodded. “We are celebrating a small victory. We never know when we’ll get our next one, right?”

Nikolai nodded. “This is Ravka.”


	7. Not Welcome Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If enough people want it, this will be the prologue to a Multi-Chapter fic.   
> (Imma be honest, I don't remember if Sabina is alive or dead, but this idea was too good to resist.)
> 
> CW: gaslighting and child abuse mention

Zoya was seated with her husband in their bedchamber, enjoying their afternoon tea when Genya burst in the door. 

Zoya sighed. “Genya, you know how to knock. What if you were interrupting something?” she asked.

“I didn’t hear any… noises from the other side of the door. I walk away when I do. I don’t want to see that,” she replied. “But there is an emergency at the gates.”

Nikolai lifted Zoya’s feet off his lap and stood up. “What’s going on?” he asked. He had been hypervigilant since his marriage to Zoya, and security at the   
palace had been tightened to stop people from entering. He couldn’t risk her. She was his Queen. 

“Someone showed up, and they were asked what their business at the palace was and they said they had to see their daughter. And then they were asked-“ Genya said, getting cut off by Zoya.

“Who is it?” she asked. 

“Zoya, she claims to be your mother,” Genya replied. 

Zoya stood up, moving to Nikolai’s side and leaning into him. “Nikolai,” she whispered, her voice soft. “I don’t want to see her. I never want to see her again.”

Nikolai nodded, his arm moving to encircle his wife. He knew. He wasn’t keen on the idea of meeting his wife’s mother either. Not after what she had done. He couldn’t be the diplomatic King if he had to meet the woman who had abused and tried to sell Zoya when she had only been nine. He knew it was the privilege of his upbringing, but the thought of a child being forced into marriage made him sick to his stomach. “I know. You won’t have to see you. And she can’t hurt you again. I won’t let her,” he said, cupping her face in his hand. 

Zoya leaned into his touch. “I never thought that I could be this scared again,” she said, her eyes glued to him. She was shaking. If she saw her mother again, there was no guarantee that she wouldn’t feel like that poor, helpless little girl that she had been all those years ago. 

Nikolai wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. “I’ll have her brought to the throne room. You can stay in the gallery. I’ll deal with her as quickly as possible,” he said. 

Zoya bit her lip gently. “She’s going to try and get you on her side. She’ll say whatever it takes for you to think I’m crazy and a liar. It’s what she always did,” she whispered. 

Nikolai shook his head. “She’ll never have me on her side. I promise, Zoya. I know what she did to you,” he said, his lips finding hers. 

Genya cleared her throat. “My King, Ms Gafin is waiting, shall I tell Tolya that he can bring her to the throne room?” she asked. 

Nikolai nodded. “Yes, but I’ll keep her waiting,” he said. 

Zoya looked at her friend. “You should go. Things are about to get-“

“Bye,” Genya said, leaving the room and closing the door behind her as Nikolai lifted Zoya up into his arms and carried her over to the bed. 

“It’s time to reassure my Queen that I’m always on her side,” he said, pushing her skirts up and dragging his tongue over her thighs. 

Zoya nodded, her head falling back as her king made love to her. 

When Nikolai and Zoya left their bedchamber, Nikolai’s arm was wrapped around her waist, and both of them were trying their best to remove the pure delight both of them still felt from the activities they had just been participating in. 

“She’s not going to hurt you. If she even thinks about disrespecting you, she will pay for it,” he said. 

“I just don’t understand. Why now? Why choose now to show up? I haven’t seen her in almost 15 years,” she said. 

Nikolai shrugged. “Well, we’re married, our marriage is secure. She can’t possibly know about-“ his hand dropped to her lower abdomen with a smile, “-but she wants to capitalize. She is the mother of the woman who became Queen.”

Zoya sighed. “She may have birthed me, but she was no true mother.”

“I know,” he replied, pressing a kiss to her lips before sending her up to the gallery. “I’ll see you soon, my beautiful wife.”

Zoya nodded and moved up to the gallery quietly. She saw the woman below her, and she stayed behind her. The last thing she wanted was her mother to see her. 

Her eyes were drawn down to the lower level and the main throne room as the doors opened and her husband entered. He was a commanding presence, and any respectable citizen would have turned to face him. It was a sign of respect. Her mother, though, clearly had no respect. It made Zoya’s blood boil, seeing her husband disrespected by a nobody. 

Nikolai moved around Sabina, Tolya glaring at the woman who didn’t move aside for her king to pass, the woman who didn’t curtsy, the woman with no respect. Zoya smiled at Tolya’s reaction. He, and Tamar, who was standing a few feet behind the throne, would protect Nikolai. And her. 

Nikolai sat down on the throne, his stare fixed on Sabina Gafin, the woman who had brought his Queen into this world. He didn’t often find himself vehemently despising someone, but this woman was one of those people. It hurt him that she was one of his citizens. The amount of disrespect she had shown thus far made it obvious that she thought her importance to be higher than he and Zoya considered it. 

“King Nikolai,” she said, stepping forward a step before Tolya’s arm shot out, keeping her in place. 

“Yes?” he asked, trying to keep his anger in check. He knew that Zoya was watching him, and that was keeping him relaxed. He could deal with this woman for a short time, Zoya had suffered for nine years. 

“We haven’t been introduced. I’m Sabina Gafin, Zoya’s mother,” she said. 

“Queen,” Tolya said. 

“I’m sorry?” she asked. 

“Queen Zoya’s mother. Show her, and the King, the respect that they are owed,” he said, not looking at the woman. He didn’t know the complexities of Zoya’s relationship with her mother, but he knew that there was no relationship. 

“She is my daughter, a daughter who never respected me. Respect is earned when it is given,” she replied. 

Zoya felt her anger flare, the storm brewing inside her. Respect for the woman that had tried to sell her. Respect for the woman who had abused her for nine years. She would never respect her mother, because she hadn’t earned it. Her mother hadn’t fought in the Civil War, helped build this country up from nothing, her mother wasn’t carrying the heir to the throne. Zoya had made herself a Queen, her mother would have seen her a nothing. 

“Your Queen deserves the respect of the people of this country. It is because of her that they have a country,” Nikolai said. “She saved the life of your King. Enough of this disrespect, please. State your business.”

“Zoya owes me,” she said, her head high, her hands clasped in front of her. 

Nikolai scoffed. “Owes you for what?” 

“She cost me when she was a child. Upkeep of a brat like that isn’t easy. Not to mention the money that I didn’t receive because she was revealed to be a witch,” she replied. 

Nikolai took a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. He could not believe the audacity of the woman before him. She was ridiculous. “I’m sorry?” he asked. 

“She has a position of authority now. Power, money. I raised her, and now she can thank me.”

Nikolai shook his head. “Caring for her is your job as a parent, and you could barely do that. Your Queen owes you nothing. Is she supposed to thank you for attempting to sell her to some old pervert when she was a child?” he asked. 

“If it wasn’t for me, she never would have this. She was only found out as a witch because I helped her,” she said. 

“She was terrified. You were the one who was supposed to protect her, keep her safe from men like the one that you tried to sell her to. Her aunt, the darling Liliyana, is the one who built her up, rescued her from you, brought her here where she belongs,” Nikolai replied, his jaw clenched. 

“Is this how you speak to your mother-in-law?”

“Is this how you speak of your Queen to your King? If you call her a witch again, you will most certainly regret it, Ms. Gafin,” he said. 

“And where is this all-powerful Queen now? Playing at being a scared child again? How easily you fall for the tricks of a terrible girl,” Sabina asked, turning around finally, her eyes finding Zoya. “There she is.”

Zoya’s eyes were fixed on Nikolai, not daring to look at her mother. “My king?” she asked, waiting for what he wanted her to do. They didn’t want her finding out about the heir, and a close enough inspection of her would lead anyone to figure it out. Genya had figured it out in about 15 seconds because of the strain of her kefta around her breasts. Their heir was top priority to keep safe. She knew Tolya and Tamar would not allow her to get hurt. 

“Please join me, my darling heart,” he said, holding out a hand and offering her a smile. 

Zoya left the gallery, moving towards Nikolai as she entered the throne room, holding her head high. She wanted him to be proud that she was not fearful of her mother. She was strong, and he helped her to be strong. 

Nikolai stood and opened his arms, accepting his wife into his embrace. They found that this was the easiest way to hide the small bump. Zoya rested her head against her husband’s chest. “Mother,” she said, though the word hurt her to utter. 

“Slept your way to the top, I see. I’m surprised he would want a nothing, he’s a king,” Sabina said. 

Zoya held her head high. “And I am a magnificent Queen. Please, don’t disrespect my King. He’s right. I owe you nothing.”

“Ungrateful child. I sacrificed everything for you. Not even your father wanted you,” she said. 

Nikolai’s eyes met Tolya, and he gave a small nod. Tolya grabbed Sabina’s arm. “The King is finished being kind. You have been warned several times,” he said, pulling her from the throne room. 

“He’s putting her in the dungeons. I should have had her tossed there sooner. I’m sorry for the things she said about your father. That was out of line,” he said. 

Zoya shrugged. “I don’t even think about either of them most days. I don’t need them. I have you, our heir, and our… friends,” she said, smiling up at him.   
Nikolai pressed a kiss to her lips. “That’s my Queen,” he whispered. “Now, let her stew for a bit, remember, you’re the one who picks the food for the   
prisoners.”

Zoya laughed. “Shall we go and finish our tea?” she asked. 

Nikolai nodded. “We should,” he said, leading her out of the throne room and picking her up into his arms, carrying her up to their bedchamber.


	8. Here Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cw: masturbation

Nikolai approached the bedchamber that for the next little while, he would be sleeping in alone. He grumbled at the thought that he had just bid his lovely, beautiful wife goodbye so that she could patrol the Northern border. It was her duty to the Second Army, and there was no reason he had to not permit it. 

She had a guard, and she was more than capable of defending herself. Besides, no enemy in their rightful mind would attack and abduct the Queen. He’d actually been more scared before they married that she would be hurt. Everyone in their army was sworn to protect her, no matter how many Drüskelle they had to kill to protect her.

He rounded the corner to find one of the young servants, Talia, waiting outside his bedchamber. “Good morning, Talia. Is there anything I can do for you?” he asked, a smile coming to his face. He didn’t want to be smiling with Zoya gone, but it was expected of him. He was a kind king, after all, who cared about the people who served him. 

Talia batted her eyelashes at him. “I just wanted to make sure that you didn’t need anything, my King. With the Queen being away and all,” she said, the smile on her face broad. 

Nikolai shook his head. “Thank you, but I don’t require anything at the present time,” he replied, entering his bedchamber and closing the door. His brow furrowed, wondering if there was something more to what Talia had said. He shrugged and sat down at his desk, wishing that Zoya was here. He missed her already, which she would say was no excuse for not getting his work done. 

Several hours later, when Tolya knocked on his door and entered with his food, he closed the door behind him. “Your majesty, there are three serving girls outside your chamber right now, and they want me to ask you if you require anything?” he asked, his expression uncomfortable.

“Talia asked that earlier as well. We do employ good staff here. I wonder why Zoya doesn’t enjoy dealing with them,” he said, accepting his dinner from Tolya. 

“Maybe because she thinks that they’re trying to gain favour with you and become your mistress?” he asked. 

Nikolai laughed. “I doubt that. If I wanted one, which I don’t, typically it’s the man who goes seeking, right? I admire a woman who goes after what she wants, look at Zoya, but- there’s no way, Tolya.”

Tolya shrugged. “You are a handsome man, Your Majesty. And you have power, wealth, things that girls want. Personally, I think they should focus more on men who will recite verse about their beauty, but that’s up to them. Some women don’t want that,” he said. 

Nikolai shook his head. “Do they have any idea that I am incapable of keeping secrets from my wife? The last time I tried that, it was for the gift for our first wedding anniversary, and she took to shocking me until I told her the truth about it. If she thought I was keeping a mistress from her, Tolya, I wouldn’t last five seconds. She’d kill me, and I would have had it coming. I don’t want to be a king like the ones before me. I won’t be like them, I can’t abuse my power like that.”

Tolya nodded. “I understand, my king,” he said. “But you ought to figure out what to do about them, before the group gets larger. A few girls we can fend off, but Zoya has said several times that all the women, and a fair number of men, look at you as though you’re their dinner and dessert. She says it with disdain, but that means that a significant portion of the population might find its way to your bedchamber.”

Nikolai sighed and dropped his head to his desk. “Tolya, don’t let them get in here. And please, have Tamar provide backup for you on duty tonight.”

“As you wish, my King,” Tolya said, with a nod of his head before he left the room. If he could get these girls to leave Nikolai alone, he would. Perhaps threat of the Queen would work, but it had to be her absence that caused this. When Zoya was home, it was hard to get the two of them apart, except when she was training Grisha, but Nikolai spend that time in the workshop with David and Nadia. It was common knowledge across Ravka that the king did not have a mistress, or even a man on the side, which only made him more desirable. After all, the things that we cannot have tend to be the things we want the most. 

That night, Nikolai went to bed, knowing that he was safe with Tolya and Tamar guarding him from the desires of his subjects. He rested his head on his pillow and took Zoya’s into his arms, embracing it and breathing in her scent. It had the opposite of the desired effect, and he found his mind wandering to their morning. That morning when he had looked down at her, her gorgeous hair still mused from sleep and the lovemaking the previous night. Her morning smile was bright as the sun, and he knew it was only for him. Their lips had found each other’s lazily as they made love, and she had bit down on his lip at the end, drawing only the smallest amount of blood, leaving his lip tender even now. 

If he thought he had missed her earlier in the day, he was not prepared for the wave of neediness that was filling him now. Perhaps this was what the girls had wanted. Their king missing his queen so desperately that he’d take anyone just to relieve those feelings. Yet, none of them were anything like Zoya, and even if they were, he still wouldn’t. 

With Zoya on his mind, his hand slipped into his sleep pants and he began touching himself in a way that he hadn’t needed to in a long while. He let his mind picture Zoya doing the same in her tent tonight, thinking of him. He had no doubt that if he had problems with people crowding around their bedchamber, she was having similar issues fending off those who were entranced by her beauty. 

His hand moved along his shaft, thinking only of his wife, his nose filing with the scent of her. He hated the thought of wasting himself, spilling his seed over his hand rather than giving it to her. He couldn’t help it though, right now he was so desperate and weak from missing her that he couldn’t stop. It was only the first night, and she’d be gone for at least three weeks. This couldn’t happen every night. It shouldn’t even be happening tonight. He wished that he was with Zoya right now, looking up at her and groping her as he did the only thing that was worth doing. Loving her. 

He dragged his finger over the tip, spreading the bead of cum over him as his hand kept moving. He bit back his moans as he sped up the movements of his hand, Zoya’s name threatening to fall from his lips as he came. 

He laid there for a moment, realizing that touching himself had not brought any real release from the feeling of missing his wife. He wanted her touch on his body. He dragged himself off the bed that he had desecrated and cleaned himself up before climbing back into bed and falling into a fitful sleep. If Zoya found out, he wasn’t sure he could escape her wrath. 

When he woke up, it was to Tolya bringing in his breakfast. “I think Tamar managed to get rid of the legion of wannabe mistresses,” he said. “But there is no guarantee that they won’t come back.”

Nikolai nodded and took a large gulp of his tea. “Tolya, I don’t want any of them. I want Zoya,” he said. 

Tolya smiled. “I know, it’s one of the reasons that you’re such a good king. You’re a faithful man, and they should be pleased that their king doesn’t want to sleep with them,” he said.

“Tolya, promise me that if they come back, you’ll take one for the two of us? Who knows, might find a good one in the mix that you could settle down with?” he suggested. He knew that the girls had no real interest in him, it wasn’t their fault. They wanted excitement, and a taste of something that was forbidden, it was natural. 

Tolya shook his head. “No, Your Majesty, I couldn’t. that would be a distraction from my duty, and the prettiest ones made faces when I was recite poetry at a quiet moment. I can’t love a woman who doesn’t love verse,” he replied. “You’ll make it through without the Queen, I know you will. You’re strong.”

Nikolai smiled. “You’re a good friend, Tolya. You know who can come in, I’ll be working in here.”

Tolya nodded and left the king to his work. 

-

Nineteen days, 7 hours, and 13 minutes.   
That was the longest stretch of time between their kisses that they’d ever had. And another minute may have ended Nikolai. He had every intention of carrying his wife to their bedchamber and making up for all that lost time with his lips, hands, and words. 

Zoya’s eyes bore into his, hungry and full of desire. “Tamar, please have dinner sent up to the King and I in three hours. We’ll be busy catching up on work until then,” she said, not looking at her friend. 

Nikolai offered his Queen his arm and she took it, squeezing him gently. Once no one was near them, she leaned closer. “When I said catching up on work, I meant something entirely different. Unless you haven’t missed me like I’ve missed you?”

Nikolai felt his britches tighten. “I have most certainly missed you, my beautiful, ruthless Zoya. No one has called me an idiot in 19 days, and I haven’t been kissed or touched,” he replied. 

Zoya smiled. “So, I don’t need to hurt anyone for hitting on my husband,” she said.

Nikolai reached his unoccupied hand up to run his fingers through his hair. “Well,” he started. “Some tried to flirt with me, but I would never do that. I have no need for a mistress.”

“I know exactly the girls that tried. Bring Talia to me tomorrow morning, and have Genya find a replacement for her,” Zoya said, storm brewing within her. 

Nikolai shook his head. “Zoya, you don’t have to fire her, it was harmless. I sent her away, I never touched her.”

“Fire? No. Electrocution,” she said. “She intended to seduce my husband.”

“Nothing happened. I would never. You know that,” he said, picking her up into his arms. 

Zoya nuzzled against him, tired after a hard ride, and happy to be returned to the embrace of her love, her king. She saw Talia pass and smile at her king. Zoya nudged Nikolai to put her down for a moment. 

“Talia,” she said, her voice stern, the girl stopping and turning back, dropping into a curtsy. 

“Queen Zoya, it’s good to have you back,” she said. 

“Really? Well, I suppose so, given your attempts to seduce my husband were fruitless. If you don’t cease your attempts to seduce your king when he has no interest in you, it’s not him you’ll have to answer to, but me. He’s mine,” Zoya said, her head high as she stared at the servant. 

Talia nodded quickly and curtsied again. “My apologies, my Queen. The King is an honourable man, and I was wrong to try and tempt him.”

Zoya smiled. “Well, you should have known that you’d never compare to me,” she said, turning away and allowing Nikolai to lift her up once again, bringing her back to their bedchamber, where he laid her down on their bed. 

“I must confess something though, Zoya,” he said, his lips on her neck. 

Zoya raised a brow. “What did you do?” she asked, ready to shock him if she had to. 

“I touched myself with you on my mind, more than once. I felt terrible every time because it didn’t make me miss you less. It just made me want to be inside you even more,” he whispered, tugging at her clothes. 

Zoya smiled. “Don’t apologize for that. My fingers found their way inside me more than once. Each and every time, you were on my mind. I love you, and I never want to be without you. It was really difficult for me, not feeling nearly as satisfied as I used to put my fingers inside myself. You fill me in a way that I have never been filled before.”

“You know, I was hoping that you were thinking of me and touching yourself. It helped me out quite a bit. Though I did feel as though my solo activities were desecrating our marriage bed,” he said, his lips seeking hers. 

Zoya pulled back. “Unless you’re thinking of someone else, it’s not desecration, I promise. I enjoyed thinking of you with your thick shaft in your hand, my name falling from your lips,” she said. “But enough of this, I want you. I haven’t had you for so long, and I feel as though I need to stake my claim on my King.”

Nikolai smiled. “Have your way with me, my Queen,” he said, helping her out of her clothing before pulling his off and laying back on the bed, waiting for Zoya to climb a top him. 

Zoya stared at him hungrily. “Only because I want to. I don’t take orders from you,” she replied, climbing on top of him and sinking down onto him, the two of them letting out low moans as he filled her. 

“I’ve missed this so much,” he whispered, reaching up to play with her breast. 

“I’ve missed it too, my King,” she said, leaning forward and kissing him. 

Nothing, and no one, would ever tear them apart.


	9. The Mess We're In

Zoya narrowed her eyes at the servant girls who were giggling in her direction. She had no idea what was going on, but it couldn’t be good. She was the General of the Second Army, and if she couldn’t command the respect of some servants in her own palace, surely losing the respect of her army would follow. 

She walked up to the girls, her arms crossed, not speaking, only raising her eyebrow. 

“Yes?” one of the girls asked. 

“I am not to be made a mockery of,” she said. “You know who I am, right?”

The other girl laughed. “Yeah, of course we do,” she said. “You’re the Grisha whore that the King decided to take up with.”

Zoya’s anger flared up, the lightning crackling at her fingertips as she slapped the girl across the face. “Don’t you dare speak of myself or your King in such a way ever again,” she said before stalking off to her meeting. 

She sat down, fire in her eyes, storm brewing in her heart. 

Nikolai entered the council room, his hair windswept. “That wind certainly picked up out there,” he said, flashing Zoya a smile. 

Zoya glared at him. “Don’t,” she warned. 

Nikolai’s smile faded and he frowned lightly, shifting his chair closer to hers. “What’s the matter?” he asked. 

Zoya leveled a glare at him. “Palace gossip,” she replied. 

Genya frowned. “Oh, I didn’t think that you listened to that. You called it ‘mindless drivel for children’ the other day.”

“I care when it concerns me,” Zoya snapped, throwing a file at Genya. 

Genya grimaced and looked down. She’d heard the things that were being said about Zoya, and when she had tried to tell and warn her friend, she had been rebuked with taunts about people who listen to gossip. 

Nikolai looked at Genya. “What things?” he asked. 

Genya took a deep breath. Of course he knew that she knew the gossip. She just didn’t want to say the words in front of anyone. Now that it was out, and certainly not true, she didn’t want to be the bearer of that news. “Um… I don’t think I should say.”

“Some servant girls called me the ‘Grisha whore that the King decided to take up with’,” Zoya said, pain in her voice. She didn’t usually care what people said about her, but it was also the implication that there was something between her and Nikolai… it could never happen. 

Nikolai tensed. “Do you know which servants they were?” he asked. 

Zoya scoffed. “I don’t take time to remember their names. I’m not you, I don’t care about people pleasing.”

Nikolai sighed. “That’s unacceptable of them. Genya, all of you, if you would be so kind as to gently reprimand the servants that are speaking like this. General Nazyalensky deserves the respect that her station is owed.”

Everyone at the table nodded. “Yes, Your Majesty,” they said. 

Nikolai nodded. “Okay, everyone. We’ll reconvene before dinner. We’ll probably have it brought to us. Get some rest, we’ll probably have a long night. Yes, we will have tea.”

Everyone nodded and stood up to leave and a moment later, Nikolai and Zoya were left alone. “Zoya-“ he started. 

“It was once, and they all know. If I could go back and change that night, I would,” she said. 

Nikolai felt his heart break at her words. Of course she regretted being with him. They should never have taken the chance, not with a palace full of people who gossip. “I’m sorry. It was my fault. I shouldn’t have let myself be tempted,” he whispered. “I’m the King, I should have known better.”

Zoya looked up at him, the pain in his eyes sending daggers into her heart. “Nikolai-“ she didn’t know what to say. The pain he was feeling was because of her. Because she had said that she regretted him. She didn’t. They had been foolish that night, and they should have gone about their slip-up differently. But then it wouldn’t have been a slip-up. 

She’d imagined a different way that night could have gone every night since. 23 nights. 23 different ways she would have loved him. She couldn’t say that, though. It would only lead to them having each other again. 

It was as if he was jurda parem. She might not be destroyed or become addicted from one time, but the second time would be her doom. She wanted him, fearing that she was already addicted to the way he brought her to new heights. She bit her lip, still unable to say anything. She couldn’t tell him. 

“You need to find a Queen, and I’m just getting in the way of that. The further this rumour spreads, the more damage it will do,” she said. 

“Zoya, perhaps it’s time I started looking closer to home for a wife,” he replied. 

Zoya looked at him. “I know what you’re thinking, and I have nothing to offer Ravka. Nikolai, we can’t.”

Nikolai sat down beside her. “Can you name any woman who loves Ravka as much as you do? Who has sacrificed so much for this country and will continue to? Can you think of anyone else that would stand by and keep fighting to keep Ravka from drowning? If you can find me a wife like that who I enjoy being around, please, let me know, and I will forget about loving you.”

Zoya moved to him, unable to stop herself, her lips finding his easily as she moved onto his lap. She put her legs on either side of his and deepened the kiss between them. 

Nikolai’s arms slipped around her, holding her waist. He pulled away from her. “Please, don’t do this to me. I don’t want you having regrets again,” he said. “I can’t bear that heartbreak.”

Zoya shook her head. “No, I- I don’t regret what we did. I enjoyed it. I really did. I just, we could have, done it differently. We could have avoided the gossip,” she said, her lips pressing against his again. 

Nikolai stood up, holding onto Zoya and lifted her up onto the table, pulling at her clothing. He was trying to get her undressed, he wanted her. His lips dropped to his neck, removing her kefta. 

“23 times,” she said, “I’ve pictured this scenario 23 different ways. None of them like this.”

Nikolai bit her neck, laughing slightly. “Oh?”

“Each night, I thought of a different way we could have done it, not in your bedchamber where it would be obvious that we had been fooling around,” she whispered. 

Nikolai returned to what he was doing. “Yeah,” he said, taking her hands and putting them on his chest, hoping she would take the hint. 

Zoya smiled and pulled at his clothes. 

Moments later, they were undressed, and Nikolai was thrusting into her. “Be my Queen. Have my heir,” he whispered. 

Zoya nodded. “Yeah, we can. I love you,” she whispered, resting her head against his as she clung to him. 

Nikolai smiled. “No one will speak ill of their Queen. If they do, we can behead them. That should get us out of this mess,” he said, going back to sucking at her neck.


	10. The Other Eye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genya accidentally sees Nikolai's butt. Zoya is not thrilled.

Zoya woke up to the light that was streaming into their bedroom, her naked back pressed against her husband’s bare chest. She groaned at the feeling of him hard against her as she turned her head slightly. Nikolai was awake and smiling at her. “Morning, beautiful,” he said. 

Zoya mumbled as she pressed her lips to his. “Good morning to you, handsome,” she replied. 

Nikolai smiled and pressed himself against her, holding her close to him. “I can think of a way to make it even better,” he whispered, his lips moving to her neck where he nipped the skin there. His hands moved down to press his fingers against her, slipping into her. 

Zoya smiled and pressed against his hand. “Oh, yeah, that’s… that’s great,” she whispered, her eyes sparkling. His unoccupied hand slid up her body to   
fondle her breast. 

Nikolai shifted her onto her front, still touching her as he climbed on top of her. “I love you,” he whispered. 

Zoya pressed herself into her mattress, her legs parting. “I love you too,” she said as he climbed between her thighs, pulling his fingers from her and running them over her. Zoya whimpered softly, ready to beg him before he thrust into her hard. Her head fell back. 

Nikolai’s hand wound into Zoya’s hair, massaging her scalp gently, pulling every now and then when Zoya’s head fell forward. He knew they had to do this quickly. Genya would be along soon to tailor the marks from Zoya’s neck and bring them their tea. He didn’t want to think of her or of the disruption she would bring right now, not while he was loving his wife. 

Nikolai’s hands clasped Zoya’s waist, his fingers digging into her skin as he thrust into her, his pace fast. 

Zoya’s moans filled the room, urging him on. He wasn’t used to it like this, he liked to go slow and gentle when loving his Zoya, but they didn’t have time this morning. He enjoyed it, but not as much as when he could see those beautiful sapphire eyes of hers, as when he could watch her bite her lip. He pulled out of her and lay down beside her. 

Zoya’s eyes found his, hers dark with desire and something verging on anger. “What are you doing?” she asked. 

“Get on top of me, I want to see your face,” he said. 

Zoya rolled her eyes and did as he asked, sighing as he filled her once again. Zoya leaned forward and pressed her lips to his, stifling their moans. Nikolai broke the kiss and flipped them over, staring into her eyes. 

The two of them were so distracted that they didn’t hear the door open. 

However, they did hear the tea tray clatter to the ground which made them both turn their heads, Nikolai pressing his body against Zoya’s as their eyes met Genya whose gaze was still on them. 

“Genya. Get out,” Zoya snapped, holding onto her husband, noticing that his backside was exposed. 

Genya ran out of the room. Zoya pushed Nikolai off her and grabbed her nightgown, pulling it over her head, her feet slipping into her slippers. She grabbed her dressing gown and left the room, running after Genya. She couldn’t get away with this. Walking in on her and Nikolai fucking was one thing, but she had seen Nikolai’s ass, and stared at it. 

“Genya,” she called out, the other woman stopping in her tracks. “I can’t believe you.”

“I was just doing what I do every morning. Bringing you your tea. It’s not my fault that you were going at it,” Genya said, crossing her arms. 

Zoya took a deep breath. “You saw his ass.” She didn’t ask it as a question. Nikolai’s ass was hard to miss. She knew that. She knew that her husband had an ass that made anyone swoon. She herself found it impossible to resist now that she’d had it. 

Genya nodded. “Yeah, kinda hard to miss it, actually. It’s… eye-catching,” she said. 

Zoya pushed her against the wall, ignoring Genya’s glance at her neck. She knew what was there, and that wasn’t what they were dealing with right now. “His ass is mine,” she spat. “Keep your eye off it, or else.”

Genya smirked. “Not that I’m going to go after him, but or else what.”

Zoya glared. “You like having that eye still, right? I can take it from you,” she said. 

Genya shook her head. “You won’t do that. Because it won’t change that I’ve seen it. It will forever scar my mind,” she said. “I don’t want to think about it. The only ass I want to see is David’s. I will work actively to not see the King’s ass, but I’m happy for you.”

Zoya smiled softly and pulled back. “Thank you. I love him and I- I value your friendship. After everything that happened before Nikolai, I still wonder if I deserve-“ she said, trying her hardest to not let tears form in her eyes. “-never mind.”

Genya nodded, opening her arms and wrapping them around Zoya. “You deserve our King. He loves you more than anything. He would be heartbroken if he knew that you thought you didn’t deserve him or his love because of what he did to you,” she said. 

Zoya pulled back. “This has nothing to do with him,” she whispered. But it had everything to do with what the Darkling had done to her. How he had been so good to her, been her mentor, gave her the amplifier that she had earned. The one she no longer wore. She thought that he had loved her, but once Alina had come along- someone more powerful than her, someone who could give him more than she could- she hadn’t just faded into nothingness to him. He had thrown her from his life with no explanation beyond “I don’t need you anymore”. She shouldn’t care. What he had done was wrong, but he had been the first man that she had desired, and she couldn’t change that. It had changed her, ruined her. 

Genya shook her head. “Have you talked to Nikolai about what happened between you and,” she tilted her head, not wanting to say his name.   
Zoya shook her head. “Not all of it. He doesn’t know the worst parts. I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want it to change how he sees me. Every time I think that I’m ready, I think that it was all my fault,” she whispered. 

Genya shook her head. “You should tell him. It will help him understand, and maybe you won’t feel quite as insecure in your marriage-“  
“I’m not insecure. Nikolai is a faithful husband.”

“You’re not worried about his faithfulness, but you’re worried about other things. And if you don’t talk about them, it can pull a gap between you. I told David everything that happened to me, and he understands, he believes me. Nikolai gave me that strength,” Genya said. 

Zoya nodded. “Yeah, Nikolai is pretty incredible. It’s very easy to love him, and I guess I see other people, and the way they look at him-“  
Genya held up her hand. “I think all of this needs to be said to him. Come on. I’ll walk back, clean up the spilled tea, and go make the two of you fresh. We can bump our meeting to a lunch meeting.”

Zoya smiled and nodded. “Thank you,” she said, allowing Genya to walk her back to her chambers. “But do know this. If you stare at Nikolai’s ass, you’ll lose your other eye, and I’ll just find a new tailor.”

Genya let out a laugh. “Good luck with that.”


End file.
